I like the way this evolved from an intra-family conflict into an external existential threat. It seems that even a dysfunctional family such as this one, can be drawn together in crisis. Very compelling story, Justin.
(And yes, I remember Michael Kaye. Also John Sterling and Susan Waldman on the radio. Go Yanks.)
Thank you so much, Jim. I appreciate you! I’d like to think that the family can band back together to face whatever is heading their way. Also, the evolution of the story is ultimately what I liked most about it as well. I’m happy with where it landed.
And yes, go Yankees! I’ll always remember John Sterling’s home run calls. Hopefully Judge and company can turn things around here sooner than later.
There is that moment in every child's life when they come to realize that their parents aren't gods. aren't always right, and can't always protect them.
It sure was. I hadn’t planned on moving in that direction for the second half of the story, but then I thought “what if”…and off it went, ha. Thank you so much for reading, Sue!
And as surprising and shocking as those accidental tangents can be, that's the story the Universe is giving you to tell. That's why it's so darned much fun being a writer.
Absolutely, Sue. I couldn’t agree more with you! I tend to let the story take its own course, even if it strays from the original idea. That’s where the magic—and the fun—lies!
Jeff and I will watch it all from here, although the Trump flags and signs have all but disappeared. Just a handful here and there. the rest of us are quite "done" with it all.
Great job of showing Jackie's world crumbling around him. All that he counted on is letting him down: Yankees losing, parents fighting, a military convoy rumbling through town in the dark of night. He tries to find something to hold on to: the girl at school who is in love with him, his math teacher, but he can't picture the girl and he is doubting if the math teacher is really interested in her students. In the end, the parents join him in his room and reassure him with the touch of their hands on his shoulders. A hopeful ending, as usual, Justin. You always come back to the positive. I like that about your writing.
That means a lot to me, K.C. Thank you. And thank you for reading with such a keen eye and leaving such thoughtful commentary. I almost didn’t leave that hint of hope at the end, but I ultimately decided to work it in. Even in the dark, we need slivers of light!
Excellent writing. That first section in particular ramped up the tension and brilliantly sees and communicates life from a youngster’s perspective. The second part takes us in a very chilling direction. So much packed in. Fabulous writing, Justin.
Thank you so much for reading, my friend! I’m really happy you liked the story. I had a blast writing this one and experimenting/playing around a bit. We’re all just a bunch of big kids playing in the sandbox, aren’t we? 😆
James, that’s perhaps the most useful comment and feedback because it allows me to take a step back and consider why the story didn’t work. Thank you for reading my story and for letting me know! I appreciate you.
I think, for me at least, the story is about Jackson growing up and realizing the world isn’t as pretty and perfect as he used to think it was. It’s filled with secrets, and he can no longer blindly accept things at face value. Problems exist, both in his small bubble and in the greater world, and despite his parents trying to protect him/hide their fights, growing up and realizing these truths is inevitable. Disappointments and losses exist. Not everything is as it seems. Maybe the story is about the loss of childhood innocence?
These were just some of the ideas rattling around when I wrote the story and considered its possible themes. It probably varies a bit depending on who reads it.
Again, thank you for your feedback. 🙏 It is very constructive for me, and I think writers on this platform can only benefit from readers when they point out what works—and what doesn’t!
Hi, Justin. I actually think my response was a bit terse if honest. Accept my apologies. We writers have a tricky job getting the messages across, knowing all the time we aren't going to succeed fully. But we keep trying none the less. Regards, James
I’m happy to hear you’re enjoying writing them! They’re a lot of fun for me, so hearing this makes my day. Thanks again for the note. Hope you have a good one!
I don't know what those massive metal cylinders emitting fog are, nor the huge dome-shaped object, but you have painted this scene with the trucks and military and police and flashing light very vividly. That's great writing, my friend. I need to turn off my imagination on this one! Help!
Have you decided not to give us a prompt in advance for Fifties by the Fire this week?
I was definitely aiming for a speculative/sci-fi feel in the second half of the story, which pushes it pretty far in terms of genre from where it begins. But if that’s where you landed, that’s where my head was at, ha! I always appreciate you reading, Sharron. To have a handful of trusted readers makes this all worth it.
I’m trying something new by not previewing the prompt. I don’t always have them ready to go on Monday, and this gives me a little extra breathing room. I’d like to see how it goes once or twice and proceed from there. I’m sorry if this messes with your writing routine!
I loved reading this story, Justin. On one level you could have stopped right at the break. But you layered another story on top with the second section and impending war. It works on both levels. Great to see you writing again!
Thank you so much for reading and commenting, Brian! My original plan was to stop, but then I had an idea…you know how it goes. 😄
I was hoping to give off a slight speculative/sci-fi vibe in the second half. After my wife read the story, she asked if they were hauling away a UFO/aliens…and I said maybe!
Thanks again for reading, my friend. I hope all is well.
I’m still happy you gave it a read and left me a comment, Kim. That means a lot! Thank you. I think they were fighting for any number of reasons, but drinking was most likely a factor. Some of the other reasons are left unknown to us and to Jackson, but he can feel a change in the environment. Their collective fear of whatever it is they’re witnessing in the end scene might drive them back together, but my intention was to offer a sliver of hope for the family—even though the outlook is grim.
Why do I want more? The doors open and close. I feel it’s a shut out game. Military might. More secrets not shed in head or tail lights. Dread awaits with hands on shoulders. I shudder to read a sequel. Look forward to Friday.
I’m happy you liked the story and want more of it, Richard. I may have to take a stab at part two of this one. There are plenty of secrets left to be revealed! Can’t wait to see you by the fire!
I like the way this evolved from an intra-family conflict into an external existential threat. It seems that even a dysfunctional family such as this one, can be drawn together in crisis. Very compelling story, Justin.
(And yes, I remember Michael Kaye. Also John Sterling and Susan Waldman on the radio. Go Yanks.)
Thank you so much, Jim. I appreciate you! I’d like to think that the family can band back together to face whatever is heading their way. Also, the evolution of the story is ultimately what I liked most about it as well. I’m happy with where it landed.
And yes, go Yankees! I’ll always remember John Sterling’s home run calls. Hopefully Judge and company can turn things around here sooner than later.
There is that moment in every child's life when they come to realize that their parents aren't gods. aren't always right, and can't always protect them.
Yes! This, exactly! I appreciate you reading and commenting, RI. Thank you so much. 🙏
WOW! That was a quick acceleration of conflict. Nothing brings people together like a war.
It sure was. I hadn’t planned on moving in that direction for the second half of the story, but then I thought “what if”…and off it went, ha. Thank you so much for reading, Sue!
And as surprising and shocking as those accidental tangents can be, that's the story the Universe is giving you to tell. That's why it's so darned much fun being a writer.
Absolutely, Sue. I couldn’t agree more with you! I tend to let the story take its own course, even if it strays from the original idea. That’s where the magic—and the fun—lies!
It's true - even a civil war...
Jeff and I will watch it all from here, although the Trump flags and signs have all but disappeared. Just a handful here and there. the rest of us are quite "done" with it all.
This was fantastic! The building discomfort and existential weight was perfectly executed. Great job!
Thank you so much for reading and for subscribing, NJ! It’s very much appreciated! 🙏 I’m happy you enjoyed my story. It was a fun one to write.
Great job of showing Jackie's world crumbling around him. All that he counted on is letting him down: Yankees losing, parents fighting, a military convoy rumbling through town in the dark of night. He tries to find something to hold on to: the girl at school who is in love with him, his math teacher, but he can't picture the girl and he is doubting if the math teacher is really interested in her students. In the end, the parents join him in his room and reassure him with the touch of their hands on his shoulders. A hopeful ending, as usual, Justin. You always come back to the positive. I like that about your writing.
That means a lot to me, K.C. Thank you. And thank you for reading with such a keen eye and leaving such thoughtful commentary. I almost didn’t leave that hint of hope at the end, but I ultimately decided to work it in. Even in the dark, we need slivers of light!
Excellent writing. That first section in particular ramped up the tension and brilliantly sees and communicates life from a youngster’s perspective. The second part takes us in a very chilling direction. So much packed in. Fabulous writing, Justin.
Thank you so much for reading, my friend! I’m really happy you liked the story. I had a blast writing this one and experimenting/playing around a bit. We’re all just a bunch of big kids playing in the sandbox, aren’t we? 😆
Testing out our ideas and skills in full view of other folk doing just the same! Feels like the perfect coworking space to hang out in.
💯 percent. 😀
It looks like a lot of people enjoyed it.. I am sorry to say after reading it twice I still have no idea what you are trying to say
James, that’s perhaps the most useful comment and feedback because it allows me to take a step back and consider why the story didn’t work. Thank you for reading my story and for letting me know! I appreciate you.
I think, for me at least, the story is about Jackson growing up and realizing the world isn’t as pretty and perfect as he used to think it was. It’s filled with secrets, and he can no longer blindly accept things at face value. Problems exist, both in his small bubble and in the greater world, and despite his parents trying to protect him/hide their fights, growing up and realizing these truths is inevitable. Disappointments and losses exist. Not everything is as it seems. Maybe the story is about the loss of childhood innocence?
These were just some of the ideas rattling around when I wrote the story and considered its possible themes. It probably varies a bit depending on who reads it.
Again, thank you for your feedback. 🙏 It is very constructive for me, and I think writers on this platform can only benefit from readers when they point out what works—and what doesn’t!
Hi, Justin. I actually think my response was a bit terse if honest. Accept my apologies. We writers have a tricky job getting the messages across, knowing all the time we aren't going to succeed fully. But we keep trying none the less. Regards, James
Oh, it’s perfectly fine, James! I appreciate it. This is all simply a part of the writer’s plight, ha.
PS. After writing a number of Drabbles, I learned about Dribbles from you and am now dribbling more than Drabbling.
I’m happy to hear you’re enjoying writing them! They’re a lot of fun for me, so hearing this makes my day. Thanks again for the note. Hope you have a good one!
I don't know what those massive metal cylinders emitting fog are, nor the huge dome-shaped object, but you have painted this scene with the trucks and military and police and flashing light very vividly. That's great writing, my friend. I need to turn off my imagination on this one! Help!
Have you decided not to give us a prompt in advance for Fifties by the Fire this week?
I was definitely aiming for a speculative/sci-fi feel in the second half of the story, which pushes it pretty far in terms of genre from where it begins. But if that’s where you landed, that’s where my head was at, ha! I always appreciate you reading, Sharron. To have a handful of trusted readers makes this all worth it.
I’m trying something new by not previewing the prompt. I don’t always have them ready to go on Monday, and this gives me a little extra breathing room. I’d like to see how it goes once or twice and proceed from there. I’m sorry if this messes with your writing routine!
I have no routine, Justin. I am up for the spur of the moment challenge!
Huzzah! Hope you are having a good start to the week out there on the west coast. 🌞
I loved reading this story, Justin. On one level you could have stopped right at the break. But you layered another story on top with the second section and impending war. It works on both levels. Great to see you writing again!
Thank you so much for reading and commenting, Brian! My original plan was to stop, but then I had an idea…you know how it goes. 😄
I was hoping to give off a slight speculative/sci-fi vibe in the second half. After my wife read the story, she asked if they were hauling away a UFO/aliens…and I said maybe!
Thanks again for reading, my friend. I hope all is well.
Were the parents fighting due to drinking or impending war? I was a little confused on this one, Justin.
I’m still happy you gave it a read and left me a comment, Kim. That means a lot! Thank you. I think they were fighting for any number of reasons, but drinking was most likely a factor. Some of the other reasons are left unknown to us and to Jackson, but he can feel a change in the environment. Their collective fear of whatever it is they’re witnessing in the end scene might drive them back together, but my intention was to offer a sliver of hope for the family—even though the outlook is grim.
Why do I want more? The doors open and close. I feel it’s a shut out game. Military might. More secrets not shed in head or tail lights. Dread awaits with hands on shoulders. I shudder to read a sequel. Look forward to Friday.
I’m happy you liked the story and want more of it, Richard. I may have to take a stab at part two of this one. There are plenty of secrets left to be revealed! Can’t wait to see you by the fire!