The Apple Fritter Feud
Fast food fiction
A wild-eyed man storms into McDonald’s around six o’clock on Saturday night. People get out of his way. “What’s that in the glass there?” he asks.
The pimply high school-aged kid at the cash register raises an eyebrow. “Which one, sir?”
“That one right there, damn it.” The man prods the glass with his index finger.
“That’s a blueberry muffin.”
“Not the muffin – I know that’s a goddamn muffin – what the hell’s the thing next to it?”
The kid wipes his brow and glances over his shoulder, “Umm…”
“What, you don’t know? And you work here?”
The manager – a middle-aged, no-nonsense mom – steps in. “Sir, what do you need?”
“I want to know what the hell I’m looking at here.”
“There’s no need to talk like that. What would you like?”
“I’d like you to tell me what’s next to the muffin.”
The manager opens the display case and reaches in. “This, sir, is a blueberry muffin.” She slams the muffin on the counter, then reaches in again. “This is a cinnamon roll. And this is an apple fritter. Is there something I can get you, sir?”
“You people are unbelievable, you know that?” The man’s voice rises with each word he speaks. Then he quiets. He picks up the apple fritter and holds it above his head against the light as if he’s examining an x-ray. He tilts it – looks at it from every angle.
“Forget it.” The man sets the flaky food down and exits the building.
The manager is red in the face. She scoops up all three desserts and tosses them into the trash bin behind the counter. The kid resumes his duties.
Two elderly ladies – one on oxygen and the other in a wheelchair – shake their heads at the spectacle from their booth.
“Whole world’s gone mad,” Lydia says before taking a bite out of her Big Mac.
“Don’t need to tell me,” Louise responds. She slurps on her large Coke and pulls out the tube in her nose. “You want to just take the rest home? I need a cigarette.”
There’s no argument.
The two down their drinks and pack up their burgers and fries. The automatic door opens for them, and the bright golden arches light the path to their car.
Thank you for reading “The Apple Fritter Feud” — I hope you enjoyed it. How did you interpret the story? Was it light and comical or were there darker undertones? A bit of both? I’d love to hear your thoughts below.
Also, if you had to choose, what would you select as your favorite fast food chain? Least favorite?
My favorite would have to be Chick-fil-A. I’ve only had it two or three times in my life, but I remember their sauce being highly addictive!
Take care, everyone, and thanks for reading my stories from Along the Hudson.
Have a great week!
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I enjoyed your story! My favorite fast food place is In-N-Out or a little dive burger joint that was near my wife’s and my first apartment called Rocky Mountain Burgers. The food was cheap and decent, but they had a juke box someone with impeccable 80s and 90s indie rock knowledge has curated.
Sadly, it seemed more like reality than fiction. 🤣
I rarely eat fast food anymore. I live about a mile from a Chick-fil-A. It is insanely popular at lunch time. But I only have it a couple of times per year. Usually when my parents visit from Michigan (where Chick-fil-A is rare and a long drive for them) and they want it. I do like their waffle fries and lemonade. 🤓