It's wonderful you're experimenting, Justin, and it's always nice to see your stories pop up in my feed. I didn't know King had another short story collection. I'll have to check out the reviews.
This is such a good story, Justin. I love how Jamie stands up to the (demented) bully and sets the poor, innocent little rabbit free at the expense of angering Damon. Jamie is brave and honest, and as I read the story, I kept urging him to pedal faster and get out of there!!! This one carries a valuable lesson!
I really liked this but I think you havent squeezed the life out of this story. it's heavy with promise but then it just ends. i think there's a longer story in there, deeper exploration of the kids' friendship, emotions and drivers. more detail as to the horribleness of Damon's acts. theres a whiff of steven king in there. Good work, I just wanted more!
I completely agree with you, Nick, and appreciate your feedback! To me the story feels very bare bones and could use some fleshing out in numerous areas. This is one I would like to revisit and develop into something longer.
Thank you very much for reading and for your honest opinion—it’s refreshing!
So 𝙄𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙨𝙚, Justin! I was really pulling for Jamie, and not sure if he was going to make it out of the forest! And poor little Thumper. I’m so glad they escaped!
Thank you so much for reading and commenting, Sharon! I’m happy you enjoyed my story! (Hey, I must ask you…how in the world did you italicize your comment here?! I’m afraid technology’s already passing me by. 🤣 I can’t seem to figure it out!)
Your villain and his actions were dark, but Jamie shines with love for the innocent and defenseless for whom he is willing to take a calculated risk to save. Not so different from your other stories.
Whoa, Justin! This line made my hair stand up: "He had no idea .... how long Damon had been “playing” with the animal." There is a time to ignore evil and a time when one just has to stand up, no matter the consequences. This nine-year-old knew that. Wow! Bravo.
Thank you so much, Sharron! I always love reading your comments. I wanted to leave a lot to the reader’s imagination, so I’m very happy to hear this specific line left such an impact! And I’m equally glad that Jamie stood up to Damon and did the right thing.
Maybe one day the world will beat Jamie down and convince him personal values are worth betraying. For now, he's an eager young child, and he won't betray himself, or basic human decency.
Jamie’s conscience guided him here, and I’m happy he listened to it. But you’re right. At what point do some individuals throw their personal values out the window? Your comment also made me wonder…how would this story have played out if the boys were a bit older? Thirteen, sixteen years old?
I really appreciate you reading and sharing your thoughts on the story, Ken. Thank you!
This was a chilling story for me, as my superpower is empathy. I was right there in Jamie's heart as he watched his "friend" transform before his eyes. Everything he thought he knew before was gone, evaporated into thin air. His body's instinctive fear and horror that his goodhearted soul tried to reconcile was...well, powerful writing.
Thank you for reading and sharing, Deborah! I loved reading your thoughts regarding the story. That’s the most frightening story element for me as well. I wanted to show a character change/transform before someone else’s eyes, and it felt like I could best portray this through a childhood friendship. Thanks again! 🙏
A dark theme but brilliantly handled, Justin. ‘Emaciated’ is a fantastic ‘show’ word, leaving the reader to imagine - if they want to - the cruelty. Damon is such a good name for a villain (Damon / demon) … clever. The pacing was great and that breathless escape was so well done. The stone throwing was such a good way of allowing our hero to get away. I have been trying to write in the voice of a nine year old for a new piece and it is so hard without losing oneself in the words we know as adults … I reckon you got it spot on!
Thank you so much for reading and for the feedback here, Barrie! I really appreciate it. I love that you picked up on several little choices I made while writing. It brought a smile to my face. I hope I landed somewhere close regarding voice. It’s very tricky trying to put oneself in a child’s mind!
Just to keep with the King vibes, Damon very much reminded me of Patrick Hockstetter from IT and this brought back memories of the fridge that he kept that eventually filled with flying leeches. The scene of the rabbit was equally haunting
Thank you so much, Daniel! And you’re welcome. It was an excellent review. I had forgotten about that fridge scene, but you are right…that’s a great comparison. I appreciate you reading and sharing!
I’m glad you didn’t go too dark there, Justin. But the Damon’s of the world need that very action that Jamie provided. Maybe he’s young enough to be rehabilitated.
I’ve been wondering about that. Can Damon be saved, or is he too far gone already? I’m hopeful his life can be turned around, and maybe this is the event that gets the ball rolling. Thank you very much for reading, Kim!
A parable for our times, for sure.
Without a doubt. Thanks so much for reading! 🙏
It's wonderful you're experimenting, Justin, and it's always nice to see your stories pop up in my feed. I didn't know King had another short story collection. I'll have to check out the reviews.
Thank you, Brian! Likewise. I always enjoy your stories. I’ve heard mostly positive reviews of King’s latest!
This is such a good story, Justin. I love how Jamie stands up to the (demented) bully and sets the poor, innocent little rabbit free at the expense of angering Damon. Jamie is brave and honest, and as I read the story, I kept urging him to pedal faster and get out of there!!! This one carries a valuable lesson!
Thank you so much for reading, Andrea! I’m happy you liked this one.
I really liked this but I think you havent squeezed the life out of this story. it's heavy with promise but then it just ends. i think there's a longer story in there, deeper exploration of the kids' friendship, emotions and drivers. more detail as to the horribleness of Damon's acts. theres a whiff of steven king in there. Good work, I just wanted more!
I completely agree with you, Nick, and appreciate your feedback! To me the story feels very bare bones and could use some fleshing out in numerous areas. This is one I would like to revisit and develop into something longer.
Thank you very much for reading and for your honest opinion—it’s refreshing!
you're welcome... i just noticed it was a flash fiction so i suspect you had a word limit...usually constrains the prose! good luck with it 😎
Really enjoyed how much is packed into this little flash. Dark and dense in the best ways
Thank you so much for reading, Will. I’m happy you enjoyed my flash fiction!
So 𝙄𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙨𝙚, Justin! I was really pulling for Jamie, and not sure if he was going to make it out of the forest! And poor little Thumper. I’m so glad they escaped!
Thank you so much for reading and commenting, Sharon! I’m happy you enjoyed my story! (Hey, I must ask you…how in the world did you italicize your comment here?! I’m afraid technology’s already passing me by. 🤣 I can’t seem to figure it out!)
Your villain and his actions were dark, but Jamie shines with love for the innocent and defenseless for whom he is willing to take a calculated risk to save. Not so different from your other stories.
I really appreciate you reading and commenting, K.C. Thank you! 🙏
I always enjoy your well-crafted stories, Justin. Your good- hearted nature shines through. This one is no exception.
Well that’s very kind of you to say. Thank you!
Whoa, Justin! This line made my hair stand up: "He had no idea .... how long Damon had been “playing” with the animal." There is a time to ignore evil and a time when one just has to stand up, no matter the consequences. This nine-year-old knew that. Wow! Bravo.
Thank you so much, Sharron! I always love reading your comments. I wanted to leave a lot to the reader’s imagination, so I’m very happy to hear this specific line left such an impact! And I’m equally glad that Jamie stood up to Damon and did the right thing.
Maybe one day the world will beat Jamie down and convince him personal values are worth betraying. For now, he's an eager young child, and he won't betray himself, or basic human decency.
Jamie’s conscience guided him here, and I’m happy he listened to it. But you’re right. At what point do some individuals throw their personal values out the window? Your comment also made me wonder…how would this story have played out if the boys were a bit older? Thirteen, sixteen years old?
I really appreciate you reading and sharing your thoughts on the story, Ken. Thank you!
This was a chilling story for me, as my superpower is empathy. I was right there in Jamie's heart as he watched his "friend" transform before his eyes. Everything he thought he knew before was gone, evaporated into thin air. His body's instinctive fear and horror that his goodhearted soul tried to reconcile was...well, powerful writing.
Thank you for reading and sharing, Deborah! I loved reading your thoughts regarding the story. That’s the most frightening story element for me as well. I wanted to show a character change/transform before someone else’s eyes, and it felt like I could best portray this through a childhood friendship. Thanks again! 🙏
A dark theme but brilliantly handled, Justin. ‘Emaciated’ is a fantastic ‘show’ word, leaving the reader to imagine - if they want to - the cruelty. Damon is such a good name for a villain (Damon / demon) … clever. The pacing was great and that breathless escape was so well done. The stone throwing was such a good way of allowing our hero to get away. I have been trying to write in the voice of a nine year old for a new piece and it is so hard without losing oneself in the words we know as adults … I reckon you got it spot on!
Thank you so much for reading and for the feedback here, Barrie! I really appreciate it. I love that you picked up on several little choices I made while writing. It brought a smile to my face. I hope I landed somewhere close regarding voice. It’s very tricky trying to put oneself in a child’s mind!
The small choices always, always make the big differences. Love that. And heck yes on the voice. Inspiring.
Great story, Justin, about not being pressured into betraying your conscience. One adults need to remember (or learn) also.
Thank you, Mark. I was glad Jamie chose to listen to his conscience rather than betray it as well. I completely agree with what you said!
Brilliantly done Justin 👍🏼
Thanks very much for the mention as well
Just to keep with the King vibes, Damon very much reminded me of Patrick Hockstetter from IT and this brought back memories of the fridge that he kept that eventually filled with flying leeches. The scene of the rabbit was equally haunting
Thank you so much, Daniel! And you’re welcome. It was an excellent review. I had forgotten about that fridge scene, but you are right…that’s a great comparison. I appreciate you reading and sharing!
I’m glad you didn’t go too dark there, Justin. But the Damon’s of the world need that very action that Jamie provided. Maybe he’s young enough to be rehabilitated.
I’ve been wondering about that. Can Damon be saved, or is he too far gone already? I’m hopeful his life can be turned around, and maybe this is the event that gets the ball rolling. Thank you very much for reading, Kim!