Justin, I like the way you do the subtitles now. I don't think they need to be any more specific, and I like just the few words, not a sentence. Have a good Fourth of July weekend!
"She just showed up, schooled us, then left." I love the laid-back idea of being "schooled". I am not familiar with skateboarding moves or jargon, but it didn't matter here. If the writer has a confident handle on the subject, that is all you need. Poor Sam - that had to hurt his pride -- more than his nose. Interesting they were in Poughkeepsie, but she said, "Y'all", giving us a clue she was not a New Yorker. Nice work, Justin.
I think a more descriptive subtitle would be great. It's really just a teaser, but you can let readers still know what to expect. For example, "No dynasty lasts forever. Flash fiction." Or, "What's a king without his Queen? Flash fiction." As far as a hobby in my youth, probably collecting Garbage Pail Kids and having a sticker book 😁
Great story! Very entertaining! I love to watch those kind of extreme sports, I could feel y’all’s excitement! Snowboarding too, love the Olympics for that!
Masterful! This is one of your most cinematic pieces. I love how tightly the story is crafted. It was a joy to read and even more fun to read a second time and deconstruct.
Honestly, as far as subtitles, do what you think is best. I am going to read, subtitle or not. Personally, I don’t like spoilers in subtitles (or titles.) My two cents. 🤓
I am not a great writer, Justin, but I was a great English teacher. Ha Ha. I can see that you write thoughtfully and with care in details. You look for the right word, the most impactful structure. You no doubt do a lot of editing. ( As do I. ) I especially liked the short, staccato sentences and fragments you used in this piece. One small suggestion: watch the dashes. I myself overuse them. Many of them could/should be commas. I noticed it especially in this piece. I know it is a matter of style, but just thought I would mention it. Keep up the great entertainment, kiddo.
Ah, I know! I’m addicted to dashes, haha! I can see how they might be a bit distracting as a reader. I appreciate you pointing that out. I’m going to start paying closer attention to their use and try to replace them with commas.
Justin, I like the way you do the subtitles now. I don't think they need to be any more specific, and I like just the few words, not a sentence. Have a good Fourth of July weekend!
"She just showed up, schooled us, then left." I love the laid-back idea of being "schooled". I am not familiar with skateboarding moves or jargon, but it didn't matter here. If the writer has a confident handle on the subject, that is all you need. Poor Sam - that had to hurt his pride -- more than his nose. Interesting they were in Poughkeepsie, but she said, "Y'all", giving us a clue she was not a New Yorker. Nice work, Justin.
I think a more descriptive subtitle would be great. It's really just a teaser, but you can let readers still know what to expect. For example, "No dynasty lasts forever. Flash fiction." Or, "What's a king without his Queen? Flash fiction." As far as a hobby in my youth, probably collecting Garbage Pail Kids and having a sticker book 😁
Great story! I like the abundance of skateboarding specifics.
I’d recommend a short sentence, a few words, to give the reader a sense of what they’re getting.
As for old hobbies, I collected basketball cards for many years during the 90s. The “Space Jam” era.
Great story! Very entertaining! I love to watch those kind of extreme sports, I could feel y’all’s excitement! Snowboarding too, love the Olympics for that!
Masterful! This is one of your most cinematic pieces. I love how tightly the story is crafted. It was a joy to read and even more fun to read a second time and deconstruct.
You’re on a roll. 😉🤣
Honestly, as far as subtitles, do what you think is best. I am going to read, subtitle or not. Personally, I don’t like spoilers in subtitles (or titles.) My two cents. 🤓
I am not a great writer, Justin, but I was a great English teacher. Ha Ha. I can see that you write thoughtfully and with care in details. You look for the right word, the most impactful structure. You no doubt do a lot of editing. ( As do I. ) I especially liked the short, staccato sentences and fragments you used in this piece. One small suggestion: watch the dashes. I myself overuse them. Many of them could/should be commas. I noticed it especially in this piece. I know it is a matter of style, but just thought I would mention it. Keep up the great entertainment, kiddo.
Thank you for the praise!
Ah, I know! I’m addicted to dashes, haha! I can see how they might be a bit distracting as a reader. I appreciate you pointing that out. I’m going to start paying closer attention to their use and try to replace them with commas.
By the way, I think you’re a great writer. 😀