Wonderful story - I found myself gripping my thigh as the youngin' slid down toward the river. Great ending and I agree with Mark Starlin about guardian angels after two personal experiences.
It's ghosty, so that's a bit creepy. But even "nostalgia," as sweet as it is, has a coating of creepiness to it -- bringing the past into the present, etc., and I think there's nostalgia in your story too. I love the way one of my favorite TV characters, Don Draper, describes nostalgia: "The pain from an old wound. It's a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone." To be able to command an audience of readers to feel that with sincerity, that's like magic, isn't it?
I'm not sure quite why, obviously some subconscious connections, but your story and the idea of nostalgia also brought to mind a TV movie from my childhood, "The Electric Grandmother," based on the short story by Ray Bradbury, "I Dance the Body Electric." It's a touching and creepy story, and has actually shaped my imagination in a lot of ways. I've thought about that story a lot since I was 6! The ending is somewhat similar in sentiment to yours. If you haven't read it, or watched the movie (cheesy now but the acting still holds up; great actors), it's worth it. It's right up that alley of "future within the present" theme you do so well.
I agree with you regarding the nostalgia in the story. That’s an incredible quote that captures it so well.
Hmm, I have to be honest, I don’t believe I’ve ever read that Bradbury story. But now that you’ve mentioned it, I’m beyond curious! If I have time tomorrow I’ll look it up and give it a read. I’d like to check out the movie as well.
I sincerely appreciate your thoughtful words and for bringing these fun connections to my attention. I’m excited to dig in. Thanks so much, Aubrey! 😀
And you might hear me cursing you under my breath from the other side of the planet. I just spent three hours sculpting 50 words for this week’s challenge. Yes, sure, it’s my own fault for taking it too seriously. Looking forward to reading what the clan brings along.
Haha! In the same vein, that’s the beauty of these fifty-worders. Sure, you can slap any old fifty words down, but if you work the story, rework it, and find the best words to utilize, the fifty words will really shine. Trust me, I’ve been in your shoes regarding this! Can’t wait to see what you wrote. I still have to write mine!
Wonderful story, Justin. The boy sliding down the ravine and into the river was absolutely chilling! I held my breath the whole time until he was rescued. Very effective writing!
Man, this is so good! Love the way you build pace in your writing. Even nicer to see you have the support of your mom here as well. Ms. Deming has me interested to know about the childhood events that were worked into this story.
Thanks so much for reading, Marc! I really appreciate it. I know, right?! She likes to drop in and comment every now and then. 😊
You know, I almost included a note at the end about the childhood memory, but decided against it. When I was little (maybe four or five?) my family went out to get our Christmas tree. While dragging it back to our car, my older brother ventured off the trail and fell through ice into a small pond. He pulled himself out but he was pretty upset. He had actually gone underwater for a few seconds but luckily was able to work his way out. Scary stuff!
I hear you! Often my fiction is intermixed with slices of my own life experiences, but this isn’t always the case. Most of the time my stories begin with a single idea. These starting ideas are influenced by anything I take in: an experience, a lyric, a feeling, a piece of art. You name it. And then I essentially feel my way through a dark cave with a small guiding light, ha! (Well, with short stories, at least. I tend to map out novels/longer works these days.)
Thanks for reading, Rolando! By the way, I still have our previous exchange saved in my inbox. Haven’t forgotten about your story. My apologies that it’s been a while since we last conversed!
We all need guardian angels from time to time. Well done, Justin. 🤓
Thank you, Mark!
One proud mama!!!Love ya!!
Haha, I can tell! Thank you! Love you too. 💜
Beautiful, touching writing ... if flash fiction could be big enough to be a page-turner, I'd have been pushing on to get to the denouement! Loved it.
PS, my 50 words are written and ready for Friday by the Fire
That’s so kind of you to say, Barrie. Thank you for reading and sharing! I appreciate you more than you know.
And excellent! I can’t wait to read your fifty words! 😃
Wonderful story - I found myself gripping my thigh as the youngin' slid down toward the river. Great ending and I agree with Mark Starlin about guardian angels after two personal experiences.
Thank you so much, Mark. I had one personal experience as well. I’m a firm believer in there being a connection to those who are no longer with us!
Goodness me, Justin, this goosepimpling story has moved me to the core! Such a beautiful, BEAUTIFUL post.
Thank you so much for my favourite read of the day.
Aww, thanks Rebecca. That’s very kind of you to say. I’m grateful for your kind words and encouragement! 🙏
Creepy and touching at the same time. Enjoyed the read.
Thank you for reading, Aubrey! I’m happy you enjoyed my story. (And it is a bit creepy, isn’t it? I’m with you.) 😄
It's ghosty, so that's a bit creepy. But even "nostalgia," as sweet as it is, has a coating of creepiness to it -- bringing the past into the present, etc., and I think there's nostalgia in your story too. I love the way one of my favorite TV characters, Don Draper, describes nostalgia: "The pain from an old wound. It's a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone." To be able to command an audience of readers to feel that with sincerity, that's like magic, isn't it?
I'm not sure quite why, obviously some subconscious connections, but your story and the idea of nostalgia also brought to mind a TV movie from my childhood, "The Electric Grandmother," based on the short story by Ray Bradbury, "I Dance the Body Electric." It's a touching and creepy story, and has actually shaped my imagination in a lot of ways. I've thought about that story a lot since I was 6! The ending is somewhat similar in sentiment to yours. If you haven't read it, or watched the movie (cheesy now but the acting still holds up; great actors), it's worth it. It's right up that alley of "future within the present" theme you do so well.
I agree with you regarding the nostalgia in the story. That’s an incredible quote that captures it so well.
Hmm, I have to be honest, I don’t believe I’ve ever read that Bradbury story. But now that you’ve mentioned it, I’m beyond curious! If I have time tomorrow I’ll look it up and give it a read. I’d like to check out the movie as well.
I sincerely appreciate your thoughtful words and for bringing these fun connections to my attention. I’m excited to dig in. Thanks so much, Aubrey! 😀
Looking forward to your publication launch photos!
Oh man, now I feel obligated to take them! 😆 Thanks for reading, Stephen.
And you might hear me cursing you under my breath from the other side of the planet. I just spent three hours sculpting 50 words for this week’s challenge. Yes, sure, it’s my own fault for taking it too seriously. Looking forward to reading what the clan brings along.
Haha! In the same vein, that’s the beauty of these fifty-worders. Sure, you can slap any old fifty words down, but if you work the story, rework it, and find the best words to utilize, the fifty words will really shine. Trust me, I’ve been in your shoes regarding this! Can’t wait to see what you wrote. I still have to write mine!
I’ve just formatted mine into a post as I deem it worthy of its own publication.
Maybe not up there in a 50 Shorts Book Collection, but I’m on my way.
That’s awesome to hear, Stephen. Publish away, my friend! I’d say you’re already there!
A great story! It was gripping and intense, I had to rush through it the first time to see how it ended!
Thanks so much for reading and sharing this one, Jason! Very much appreciated! 🙏
Wonderful story, Justin. The boy sliding down the ravine and into the river was absolutely chilling! I held my breath the whole time until he was rescued. Very effective writing!
Thank you, Sharron! I’m really happy you enjoyed this one. I had a lot of fun writing it. 🙂
Well done, Justin. I like to think that we have that connection with those that came before us.
Thanks so much for reading, Jim!
Man, this is so good! Love the way you build pace in your writing. Even nicer to see you have the support of your mom here as well. Ms. Deming has me interested to know about the childhood events that were worked into this story.
Thanks so much for reading, Marc! I really appreciate it. I know, right?! She likes to drop in and comment every now and then. 😊
You know, I almost included a note at the end about the childhood memory, but decided against it. When I was little (maybe four or five?) my family went out to get our Christmas tree. While dragging it back to our car, my older brother ventured off the trail and fell through ice into a small pond. He pulled himself out but he was pretty upset. He had actually gone underwater for a few seconds but luckily was able to work his way out. Scary stuff!
I don’t write any fiction so I’m always interested in how an author’s pen is influenced by his life!
I hear you! Often my fiction is intermixed with slices of my own life experiences, but this isn’t always the case. Most of the time my stories begin with a single idea. These starting ideas are influenced by anything I take in: an experience, a lyric, a feeling, a piece of art. You name it. And then I essentially feel my way through a dark cave with a small guiding light, ha! (Well, with short stories, at least. I tend to map out novels/longer works these days.)
Another fantastic story!! Love how you mingle in some of your childhood events into your stories!!Can't wait to purchase your book!!
Thanks for the memories! Can’t wait to get it out into the world!
Breathtaking story! Thank you.
Huge congratulations on your upcoming book release. 😁 Oh! What a feeling!!!
Thank you so much, 3M! Ahh! I’m so excited! (And a bit nervous.) 😁
This is just enormous
Thanks for reading, Rolando! By the way, I still have our previous exchange saved in my inbox. Haven’t forgotten about your story. My apologies that it’s been a while since we last conversed!
Thanks for that Justin. We all have too much time on our hands, which, by the way, would make a great story 😀
Tremendous story Justin.
Thank you, Chris!