I think it’s a very polished chapter and gives us a strong sense of our main characters right off the bat, perfect for an opening. Great job!
Given the story’s POV, one question I had after reading it was whether the author was risking anything (ex. status) by being friends with Danny, and how he was handling that risk.
This is such an excellent question and a great point that you make. Status is definitely something that’s at stake because Clinton (the MC) ends up choosing the not so popular crowd. Clint is the “new kid” at school, and he struggles to find any connections off the bat. In a roundabout way he and Danny find common ground which helps to plant the seeds for their friendship.
Still...the question that you posed is one I need to consider more because I think it’s crucial to the story. Thanks again for giving me a lot of food for thought! I really appreciate it!
A novel expert! That's so exciting! Makes me want to pull out one of my dusty novels.... The tone hooked me immediately! I think it's perfect for middle grade readers. Danny's story sounds really compelling and I'd to read more!
Wow!!! I am so excited that you are revisiting this story, Justin. One of my all time favorites of yours, as you know!!! This is the one that will make your career as a writer. Mark my words!!!! (and now I am done with the exclamation points.)
Hahaha! Thanks so much, Andrea. I’ve been feeling the pull for quite some time now, but it feels great to be diving back in. When it’s finished I’ll send it your way. (Hopefully this means sooner than later.)😄
I love this idea of dusting off the unfinished--pretty sure we can all relate. This excerpt gave me a good sense of the protagonist and the narrator’s voice was well-developed in a short span, especially through parenthetical asides.
I loved the image of Ms Mouse changing her shoes. Good planning, if you ask me! Danny is a curious character. Are we going to learn about the autistic spectrum in this book? Or do you have something else in mind for Danny? May I recommend the Rosie Project by Graham Simsion. It is a brilliant story ( not YA) about a man with similar Danny qualities. A young college professor with zero people skills / social skills. Very funny and educational. Nice work, my friend. I want more. Sharron at 🍁Leaves
Haha I agree in regards to Ms. Mouse! That’s exactly my plan for Danny, except I want to approach it through Clinton’s (our MC) eyes. I want him to be aware of it - and in turn, the reader - but I don’t want to slap the label on it and be too direct, if that makes any sense. Danny has high-functioning autism, so as the story progresses we are exposed to his quirks, personality, and even mannerisms. But all of these aspects of his character is what ultimately draws Clint towards him. Plus they both find out that they’re both fast runners, and this becomes a shared passion that grounds their friendship.
Awesome! Thank you so much for the recommendation. I’ll be sure to check it out. I’ve never read it, but it sounds like it’s up my alley.
Thank you, Sharron! I appreciate you taking the time to read my story and share all of your ideas and feedback!
Thanks for sharing this, Justin! You're inspiring me to put together an outline for a YA novel. Do you have a logline for this story? I like the dynamic you setup here for their friendship. You have Danny, who is inwardly very academically intelligent, but socially awkward, and the author, who is average academically, but I could see becoming socially popular. That sets up some nice potential conflicts.
In general, I'm not a fan of prologues, but that has nothing to do with your writing. This could easily be a chapter one, and I wouldn't know the difference. You could even expand it to include a trigger that ultimately made the author realize Danny would make a good friend. Maybe a shared interest or another connection?
I'm really looking forward to reading more when you're ready to share!
Brian, it’s funny you say this because you’re one of the people inspiring me to get back in the novel writing trenches. You’ve motivated me quite a bit, so thank you so much for that! I did write a logline, but I don’t have it with me at the moment. I’m away all weekend for a wedding. When I’m home I’ll be sure to share it.
I agree with you regarding prologues. I may end up calling it “Before” and the potential epilogue “After” because I have a vision in mind for the story’s ending, and I think it might work in this particular instance. But we will see.
Thank you so much for all of the feedback and for reading. You’ve given me many ideas to consider, and I’ll definitely think about them as this story continues to take shape!
Marji, oh good!!! That makes me so excited to hear. Spoiler alert: in the next chapter I reveal the MC’s name, Clinton McConnell. He likes to go by Clint, and he’s a lanky, slightly awkward redhead.
At a point later in the story Clint calls himself and Danny “McFriends” because of their similar-sounding last names. 😄
Great job Justin! Being a shy kid myself growing up, a few of the things you mentioned like not reading aloud in class and being picked on, brought up some memories for me. Personally, I hated reading in class. I was so nervous when the teacher called on me. But once I was away from school, I would talk a mile a minute. I'll be interested to see how the two get to know each other and how everything turns out.
Thank you so much, Matthew! I’m happy you really connected with the story. I’ve been teaching for a solid decade now, so I see all kinds of stuff on a daily basis. I appreciate you taking the time to read this and for sharing a slice of your life!
I think it’s a very polished chapter and gives us a strong sense of our main characters right off the bat, perfect for an opening. Great job!
Given the story’s POV, one question I had after reading it was whether the author was risking anything (ex. status) by being friends with Danny, and how he was handling that risk.
Thank you very much, Geoffrey!
This is such an excellent question and a great point that you make. Status is definitely something that’s at stake because Clinton (the MC) ends up choosing the not so popular crowd. Clint is the “new kid” at school, and he struggles to find any connections off the bat. In a roundabout way he and Danny find common ground which helps to plant the seeds for their friendship.
Still...the question that you posed is one I need to consider more because I think it’s crucial to the story. Thanks again for giving me a lot of food for thought! I really appreciate it!
Happy to help. Keep up the good work!
A novel expert! That's so exciting! Makes me want to pull out one of my dusty novels.... The tone hooked me immediately! I think it's perfect for middle grade readers. Danny's story sounds really compelling and I'd to read more!
You totally should, Claire! It’s fun revisiting the story with the goal of finishing it in mind!
I really appreciate the feedback and kind words. Thanks so much for reading!
Looking forward to Fifties by the Fire and "wilderness"!
Thanks, Jenise! Same!
I just emailed my critique to you.
Wow, thanks so much, Jenise! I look forward to reading it. (This will take me back to our days on Scrib!)
Wow!!! I am so excited that you are revisiting this story, Justin. One of my all time favorites of yours, as you know!!! This is the one that will make your career as a writer. Mark my words!!!! (and now I am done with the exclamation points.)
Hahaha! Thanks so much, Andrea. I’ve been feeling the pull for quite some time now, but it feels great to be diving back in. When it’s finished I’ll send it your way. (Hopefully this means sooner than later.)😄
I love this idea of dusting off the unfinished--pretty sure we can all relate. This excerpt gave me a good sense of the protagonist and the narrator’s voice was well-developed in a short span, especially through parenthetical asides.
Thanks for the positive feedback and for reading, Amie!
I loved the image of Ms Mouse changing her shoes. Good planning, if you ask me! Danny is a curious character. Are we going to learn about the autistic spectrum in this book? Or do you have something else in mind for Danny? May I recommend the Rosie Project by Graham Simsion. It is a brilliant story ( not YA) about a man with similar Danny qualities. A young college professor with zero people skills / social skills. Very funny and educational. Nice work, my friend. I want more. Sharron at 🍁Leaves
Haha I agree in regards to Ms. Mouse! That’s exactly my plan for Danny, except I want to approach it through Clinton’s (our MC) eyes. I want him to be aware of it - and in turn, the reader - but I don’t want to slap the label on it and be too direct, if that makes any sense. Danny has high-functioning autism, so as the story progresses we are exposed to his quirks, personality, and even mannerisms. But all of these aspects of his character is what ultimately draws Clint towards him. Plus they both find out that they’re both fast runners, and this becomes a shared passion that grounds their friendship.
Awesome! Thank you so much for the recommendation. I’ll be sure to check it out. I’ve never read it, but it sounds like it’s up my alley.
Thank you, Sharron! I appreciate you taking the time to read my story and share all of your ideas and feedback!
Thanks for sharing this, Justin! You're inspiring me to put together an outline for a YA novel. Do you have a logline for this story? I like the dynamic you setup here for their friendship. You have Danny, who is inwardly very academically intelligent, but socially awkward, and the author, who is average academically, but I could see becoming socially popular. That sets up some nice potential conflicts.
In general, I'm not a fan of prologues, but that has nothing to do with your writing. This could easily be a chapter one, and I wouldn't know the difference. You could even expand it to include a trigger that ultimately made the author realize Danny would make a good friend. Maybe a shared interest or another connection?
I'm really looking forward to reading more when you're ready to share!
Brian, it’s funny you say this because you’re one of the people inspiring me to get back in the novel writing trenches. You’ve motivated me quite a bit, so thank you so much for that! I did write a logline, but I don’t have it with me at the moment. I’m away all weekend for a wedding. When I’m home I’ll be sure to share it.
I agree with you regarding prologues. I may end up calling it “Before” and the potential epilogue “After” because I have a vision in mind for the story’s ending, and I think it might work in this particular instance. But we will see.
Thank you so much for all of the feedback and for reading. You’ve given me many ideas to consider, and I’ll definitely think about them as this story continues to take shape!
Mutually inspiring, I love it! Enjoy your weekend, and I'm anxious to read more of your novel 🌟🌟🌟
Justin -- you have me hooked. I can't wait to learn more about Danny and our protagonist. I'm so curious about what they look like.
Marji, oh good!!! That makes me so excited to hear. Spoiler alert: in the next chapter I reveal the MC’s name, Clinton McConnell. He likes to go by Clint, and he’s a lanky, slightly awkward redhead.
At a point later in the story Clint calls himself and Danny “McFriends” because of their similar-sounding last names. 😄
I appreciate you taking the time to read this!
Perfect for middle grade readers to peek inside the minds of those who might be different!
Thank you for the kind words, Clancy! I appreciate you taking the time to read this. 🙏
Great job Justin! Being a shy kid myself growing up, a few of the things you mentioned like not reading aloud in class and being picked on, brought up some memories for me. Personally, I hated reading in class. I was so nervous when the teacher called on me. But once I was away from school, I would talk a mile a minute. I'll be interested to see how the two get to know each other and how everything turns out.
Thank you so much, Matthew! I’m happy you really connected with the story. I’ve been teaching for a solid decade now, so I see all kinds of stuff on a daily basis. I appreciate you taking the time to read this and for sharing a slice of your life!