This was very well written, Justin. I never felt like the story was drifting at all, and I think you chose the best path forward. There are only so many ways it could go, one or both of them dying, they get out using an escape plan instead of being given the choice, or they remain prisoners. The escape plan could have worked, but that almost guarantees a part four. I liked that you left some question as to their survival against the elements. Every part was well told -- definitely one of my favorite stories of yours.
Brian, thank you so much! I really appreciate the feedback and kind words. Initially I wanted to go the escape plan route, but I didn’t think I could pull it off without more development, pretty much like you said. If I ever expand this into something bigger (short novel or novella, maybe), I think Gareth would play a key role in helping them escape. It would be a fun avenue to explore.
Sweet! Mine still hasn't shipped 🤣 I like it so far, but it's right at that point where I'm about to find out where the gold is coming from... it's about to become more fantastical, so I'll let you know.
Thank you, Kim! I honestly wasn’t sure what people would think of it because it’s different from what I normally post here.
Off the bat my intent was to bring Cormac and Robbie back to the mountain safely, but the more I wrote the story, it developed differently. It took its own course!
I really enjoyed this, Justin. Definitely a cliff hanger!! Your imagery is perfect, as always, and the photograph to accompany your story is exactly right.
Thank you so much, Andrea! I haven’t had this much fun writing in quite some time. It was a blast writing a longer story for a change. I’m happy you enjoyed it. 😊
I love open endings. Sometimes, we let readers complete the story. And, I’m fine with that here. What an adventure! How about posting it on Scrib for crits?
Thanks so much for reading all the way through and for commenting, Jenise! Maybe down the line I’ll put this up on Scrib. I haven’t been active there in such a long time! The feedback and critiques are always invaluable, so perhaps I will!
I really enjoyed the story Justin. It kept my interest the whole way through. I did read the ending a couple of times though to see if I liked it. At first it seemed like a sudden ending but then I understood how you worked it. I'm not a professional so that is just my thoughts. But nice job, the story was great.
Thanks a bunch for reading my story and sharing your thoughts, Pennie! I’m happy you enjoyed it, and I appreciate you taking the time to see the story through. 😊
I don't know anything about this genre, Justin. The closest I have come would be the Trilogy of the Rings. But I DO know you have spun a hell of a tale here, kiddo! The open ending was inspired! Sharron
Thank you, Sharron. Even though “Off the Trail” was outside what you normally read, I appreciate you seeing this all the way through! Happy you liked the ending, too!
I was very curious to see where this story would end up, and I actually quite like that you left it open with the cliffhanger. Much like others have said, Gareth's motivations and story would be interesting to read.
Thanks, Claire! I’m happy you liked the ending. I had a different one in mind, but the story took its own course! I’m going to tuck “Off the Trail” away for now, but I can see myself coming back to it in the future. I have a lot of ideas on how I might be able to expand it.
Fantastic conclusion, Justin. The only question that hangs in my mind is why Gareth made the decision to stay. It made me wonder how his circumstances were different from Robbie and Cormac's when he stumbled upon this civilization. Was it really a better choice to stay than to return to his real life? If so... why??? If you were to turn this into a longer piece or a novella, there would be room for such indulgences. 😊But as it is, I enjoyed this three-part ride very much. Well done!
I couldn’t agree more with you, Meg! I’m happy you pointed this out. I felt the same way with Gareth’s character. There are so many questions regarding him that are left unanswered. If given more time and space with him, I think he could be rounded out quite a bit. I’m intrigued to expand this into a novel or novella. My gut is telling me I’m not quite finished with these characters yet (or maybe that’s what they’re telling me!).
Thank you again for reading my story and for all of your encouragement!
This was very well written, Justin. I never felt like the story was drifting at all, and I think you chose the best path forward. There are only so many ways it could go, one or both of them dying, they get out using an escape plan instead of being given the choice, or they remain prisoners. The escape plan could have worked, but that almost guarantees a part four. I liked that you left some question as to their survival against the elements. Every part was well told -- definitely one of my favorite stories of yours.
Brian, thank you so much! I really appreciate the feedback and kind words. Initially I wanted to go the escape plan route, but I didn’t think I could pull it off without more development, pretty much like you said. If I ever expand this into something bigger (short novel or novella, maybe), I think Gareth would play a key role in helping them escape. It would be a fun avenue to explore.
Thanks again!
Any time! Also, I'm about 100 pages into Fairy Tale by Stephen King, so thanks for the recommendation 👍
Awesome! No problem at all. What do you think of it so far?
Also, The Stars Will Fall arrived! What a beautiful book! Congratulations again. 😀
Sweet! Mine still hasn't shipped 🤣 I like it so far, but it's right at that point where I'm about to find out where the gold is coming from... it's about to become more fantastical, so I'll let you know.
Looking forward to it! And oh no! I hope yours ships soon. 🤣
I enjoyed the three part story, you kept us all wanting more. I was hoping for a rescue in the end, but sometimes that isn’t real life, is it.
Thank you, Kim! I honestly wasn’t sure what people would think of it because it’s different from what I normally post here.
Off the bat my intent was to bring Cormac and Robbie back to the mountain safely, but the more I wrote the story, it developed differently. It took its own course!
Thanks again for reading! I really appreciate it!
I really enjoyed this, Justin. Definitely a cliff hanger!! Your imagery is perfect, as always, and the photograph to accompany your story is exactly right.
Thank you so much, Andrea! I haven’t had this much fun writing in quite some time. It was a blast writing a longer story for a change. I’m happy you enjoyed it. 😊
What a great story!! I somehow missed reading it when you first put it out in Jan.Love reading your work so talented!!
Thank you so much for reading, Mom! 😊
I love open endings. Sometimes, we let readers complete the story. And, I’m fine with that here. What an adventure! How about posting it on Scrib for crits?
Thanks so much for reading all the way through and for commenting, Jenise! Maybe down the line I’ll put this up on Scrib. I haven’t been active there in such a long time! The feedback and critiques are always invaluable, so perhaps I will!
Life gets busy, priorities change. I took about a 2 year break. So did others. I’m slowly easing back in.
So true! Maybe I’ll do the same. As a free member you can still post 1-2 works for critique, right?
I believe so. Here's the membership page for details.
https://www.scribophile.com/join/
I'll probably revert to Basic when mine comes up for renewal this May. Gotta be able to buy eggs, ya know! 😂
Thanks, Jenise. They increased the membership rate! Haha, exactly, I will definitely be keeping mine Basic for now.
I almost forgot... here's another online critique group. They've been around for awhile, and also have a basic (free) membership. Critique Circle:
https://www.critiquecircle.com
I joined them in 2017, but never used them. I'm going to submit my WIPs there, and see what the community is like.
What a tremendous ending! Great story Justin! I love reading your longer work
Thanks so much, Jason! I really appreciate it. I had an absolute blast writing this one.
Thoroughly enjoyed this!
Thanks, Chris! Happy to hear it!
I really enjoyed the story Justin. It kept my interest the whole way through. I did read the ending a couple of times though to see if I liked it. At first it seemed like a sudden ending but then I understood how you worked it. I'm not a professional so that is just my thoughts. But nice job, the story was great.
Thanks a bunch for reading my story and sharing your thoughts, Pennie! I’m happy you enjoyed it, and I appreciate you taking the time to see the story through. 😊
It was my pleasure. I look forward to reading more of your work.
I don't know anything about this genre, Justin. The closest I have come would be the Trilogy of the Rings. But I DO know you have spun a hell of a tale here, kiddo! The open ending was inspired! Sharron
Thank you, Sharron. Even though “Off the Trail” was outside what you normally read, I appreciate you seeing this all the way through! Happy you liked the ending, too!
I was very curious to see where this story would end up, and I actually quite like that you left it open with the cliffhanger. Much like others have said, Gareth's motivations and story would be interesting to read.
Thanks, Claire! I’m happy you liked the ending. I had a different one in mind, but the story took its own course! I’m going to tuck “Off the Trail” away for now, but I can see myself coming back to it in the future. I have a lot of ideas on how I might be able to expand it.
Thanks again for reading! 🙏
Still a cliffhanger. Not disappointed.
Oh good, happy to hear it, Sharron! I’m glad you enjoyed the story.
Fantastic conclusion, Justin. The only question that hangs in my mind is why Gareth made the decision to stay. It made me wonder how his circumstances were different from Robbie and Cormac's when he stumbled upon this civilization. Was it really a better choice to stay than to return to his real life? If so... why??? If you were to turn this into a longer piece or a novella, there would be room for such indulgences. 😊But as it is, I enjoyed this three-part ride very much. Well done!
I couldn’t agree more with you, Meg! I’m happy you pointed this out. I felt the same way with Gareth’s character. There are so many questions regarding him that are left unanswered. If given more time and space with him, I think he could be rounded out quite a bit. I’m intrigued to expand this into a novel or novella. My gut is telling me I’m not quite finished with these characters yet (or maybe that’s what they’re telling me!).
Thank you again for reading my story and for all of your encouragement!
(Oops, Sharon I meant. Darn autocorrect!) Thanks again for reading!